K Family Journal

more train pics

2012-02-14T09:10:00.000+08:00

Daddy is so easy to impress...

they both love to cuddle

a quick moment of stillness

factory town.... view from the train

nestled up near the mountains.... view from the train

and here's more goofiness.... not on the train

the boys have enjoyed fun discovering with static electricity

oh this girl...

What do I say? I love these boys.

John got it in his head that he needs to rollerblade now... even though he can't stay upright 2 seconds, Daddy indulged him and Marian let him wear her blades that were closest to his size. Doesn't he look stylish?

wonky, ridiculous, darling boy

oh the goofiness of this fun, wonderful girl!

taking in the world

sister love.... coming home from the fountain

simple... but I just love her delicate hand, her sweetness even in book-looking

fountain photos

2012-02-12T22:15:00.000+08:00

Longsuffering {Mama Love}

2012-02-12T10:13:00.006+08:00

I thought I must be crazy, but no.... it's right there in internet ink. This sweet mama explaining plainly how she disciplined her kids.... her kids each had only one tantrum because they expected their kids to obey the first time, so they did. Her key is consistent follow through.

If that was all I ever read, I'd be left with no option but to admit that it is simply my own imperfect follow through that has resulted in our home so plainly proving the doctrine of depravity. Perhaps in more Edenic gardens, mothers and children hear a thing once and remember it forever, but at our place we need long practice at life, in the gritty real stuff of growing in godliness.

Are there really kids out there that have only had one tantrum? Perhaps there are some personalities that are just so easy going? Not in our home. At our place none of us have heard a thing once and remembered it perfectly, obeyed it all just right from there on out. I sure yearn to, and pray for that, but it's not the real world we live in.

Perfectly obedient people also don't seem to be the audience that Sciprute was written for. I'm greatly comforted by the sweet, strong theme through the Bible that we are to persevere through trials to be refined more into the image of Christ, we are to bear each others burdens and cover over one another's sins, serve humbly and love patiently as we grow towards, grow in Christ... Apparently this is our Savior's way for us and for our children to come to him. Trusting nothing but him...

It seems plain to me that longing for perfect obedience, perfect children, is just part of what it means to live longing for the victory that Christ has accomplished for us but has not yet completely delivered. He hasn't come again and brought his final perfect rule. Praise be that he will do this! But until then, we live waiting, yearning, sinning, and repenting, forgiving, and accepting each other over and over again. And yes, I trust that there will be fruit to show for our training.... we are training our children as consistently as any human parents can. But still, this daily hammering out of our sanctification together comes with loud clashes of iron sharpening iron.

And it is a wondrous gift that we can live together, so sharpening and loving-serving each other. That the Lord redeems us at all and lets us mirror and model his lavish forgiveness and acceptance to each other.... a family all growing in the grace of Christ, it is a stunning, awesome thing.

As for discipline, you can bet our bottom paddle that we spank our kids for defiance but sadly, it hasn't meant that we're done with discipline yet. Oh how I wish it did! (Damned Defiance! I wish I never had to spank our kids, but for this, we've found no alternative.)

This is a long road... and I am convinced (though I'm still desperate for living encouragement!) that serving our kids with the humble love of Christ means being authority and providing structure and security for them. It means firmly disciplining disobedience to give them the blessing and safety and rewards of obedience. And it also means forgiving them like the prodigal's father... before they've even vocalized their repentance, affirming our acceptance and commitment to them to continue in relationship together.... which, in our very human case, will probably mean the same lessons, the same discipline, the same learning over and over again.

Motherhood is HARD and it is so because we are sinners and at least in our non-Eden neck of the woods, we are still deep in the trenches of training our four little loves five and under. This is exactly why motherhood is so transforming to me. Not because I've been so consistently firm that my kids usually all obey the first time, but because I know they're going to need longsuffering service from their mama to help them really learn deeply this knowing, understanding, loving, obeying.... in all of life. I think if I somehow finagle a way to have my kids jump just right when I say jump and everything and everyone goes just my way, I would miss out on perhaps the most important piece of motherhood for me.

Motherhood transforms. I need to be transformed into more of the image of Christ and I think that is one of the great ugly-beautiful blessings that the Lord has tucked into this motherhood package. I need to be refined..... the tears, the stripping away of fleshly weapons and reasoning, the defiance that drives me to desperate prayer. This is grace.

And too since our children are children and not soldiers, I'm trying not to bark orders at them but to humble myself, bear patiently when I need to take up the basin and towel and serve them and train them again towards obedience.

I'm quite sure our kids know clearly that we expect first time obedience from them: "Yes Mama" from their hearts, from their mouths, with their actions.... obeying "immediately, willingly, completely" (like CJ Mahaney taught). But I don't want Spanks and Consistent Follow-Through to be a chariot that I trust in to bring about perfect obedience in my kids.

Far more than perfect (outward) obedience, I want to aim my mother love at leading my kids to repentance and trusting in Christ for grace to live for his praise. For now there are some most trying times when I've got to patiently require and take sheer obedience for the sake of getting our family through 'til the next hour.... but even in these exception moments I want my eyes on their heart, on repentance, and not only on the paddle and their obligation to outwardly obey.

And truly, repentance leads a heart to obedience. Romans 2:4 tells us exactly how God leads us to repentance: with his kindness, forbearance, and patience. For sure discipline is a mercy that won't be withheld in our home... but may it be given with the kindness, forbearance and patience of God. And too, may I keep my eyes focused on repentance in their hearts even before outward obedience as I serve and train these precious little ones to know and love and live all for the Lord.

Jobs

2012-02-11T22:48:00.001+08:00

I've already written about how much fun we had visiting our friends for vacation recently... how fantastically our kids all played together and how the mamas and papas got to enjoy some great longs talks and prayer time and fun. Well, I'm so eager to share with you my favorite parenting gem gleaned from these wise parents!

Bedtime for us used to involve multiple instructions (oh so many words needed from us!) sometimes sending one kid with a task from dad and a task from mom in two different directions at once! Get a drink! Get your PJs on! Did you go potty, darling?

Laura said they had the same difficulty until recently when she posted her own scrapped photo "Jobs Chart" on the kids' door. We saw Matt and Laura tell their kiddos one thing: "JOBS!" and their cherubs scurried off knowing exactly what they needed to do...

Here's how it works:

The kiddos know that when we say it's time for Jobs, they are responsible to finish the seven tasks on the photo chart in their room.

1- Serve Each Other. (This is my favorite!) As Laura said, this isn't about "but those aren't my toys," this is our chance to serve and bless each other as a family. We pick up together. Sometimes mom or dad will assign a certain Serve Each Other for the night.

2- Dirty Clothes, PJs, Drawers. Bet you can figure this one out.

3- Milk - Water. I love to be together as much as I can with our kids so if we can catch a moment drinking milk at the table all together.... I'm all the more glad! And then our kids know they need to bring a cup of water to the bookshelf if they want a sip at night. Their responsibility.

4- Potty. 5- Brush Teeth. Clear enough.

6- Sleep Stuff. Our kiddos love to have their favorite toy of the day, a blanket, a sleep toy or book with them on their beds.... and for us, they can have any of it so long as they get it to their beds before the lights go out.

7- Bed! The earlier they get to their beds, the more time there is for rewards: cuddling, hymns, praying together, grateful things, back scratches, flashlight books and shadow hands, silly songs and.... whatever else they can come up with for the night!

Quick Tips:

1) Start early with jobs- no need to rush them!!

2) Allow even more time to checking thoroughly that their jobs are all done.

3) Sometimes, depending on timing, jobs can even be done before dinner if need be! (usually the Serve Each Other job)

We're just about a week into this new bedtime routine and I think in another week or two we'll start seeing even more pay-off for this wise plan for bedtime, once they speak the language of JOBS more fluently, so to speak. So far our kids enjoy it like a game and really take pride in completing their jobs well. And when they do, there is time for such joy rewards!

We are So Grateful to the Lord for you dear Matt and Laura! For you and your kids, and for letting us pick up on this great plan of yours! Thanks guys!

James

2012-02-05T17:25:00.003+08:00

Grandma and Grandpa sent a snuggly owl toy for John for Christmas and right away it was very important to our boy that his owl be named. Sweet John moved on quickly (he's far more easy to convince or to agree with mama than his big sister!) when I told him that Poo Poo Owl was not aacceptable. He went with James Owl instead and I'm quite sure James Owl will be a keeper for the long haul.

But another James is ringing in my heart today. In recent months, James has been the book the Lord is using to nail me down, pierce me through, and lay me in the light of his Son, in regards to my life as a mama.

2010 began a stretch of 1 Peter being the book that challenged me sharp and deep on my difficulty with submitting to culture battles here. "Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution.... be subject to your masters with all respect not only to the good and the gentle but also to the unjust" (1 Peter 2:13-25).... I applied this in my heart to be: Be subject for the Lord's sake to this human culture, not only when it's comfortable but even when it grates hard against all that I think is wise and decent and considerate and tolerable.

Back at that time, I tried to memorize 1 Peter.... then it became 1 Peter 1-3.... then 1 Peter 1..... and then, after meditating on the verses and soaking my brain and heart in it for months (no friends with me, I might add) I still didn't know the words secure and firm by heart. Meditating on it had been sweet indeed but I really did/do want the words locked down deep like seeds (Receive with meekness the implanted word). Embarrassed and discouraged.... I moved on and no plan since (and there have been several) has been completed either.

Now, my dear Ann is inviting others to join with her in Memorizing the Mount. As I looked over her memory booklet I realized that a definitive plan was completely absent from my memory plan. And so, again I'm beginning this journey that I still hope will become a fixed anchor in my life to hold me under the shaping, transforming truth-light of the Word of God.

1) Memorizing James. 1 chapter a month Feb - June..... end of June, James is in there.

2) Keep a notebook. Exactly which verses this week? Say it weekly to a friend. Emily, thank you for your partnership in this! I praise the Lord for you..... I'm eager to share verses, applications, prayer spots with you and others along the way too.

3) Ann writes a bit about the A.R.T. of memorizing scripture and for now I'm just fixed on the Attending... The Word in the morning, in the kitchen, at the table, while nursing, for a water break, before class, during their nap.... Her encouragement is so sweet, and Piper's challenge, and the recap of Dr. Andrew Davis' seven tips for memorizing (all at the post of Ann's).

I'm aiming for a pace of 7 (+/-) verses per week.... that way in 2012 I might be able to tuck James and the Sermon on the Mount into my heart for fruitbearing? May it be Lord, by your grace, for your praise!

I'm a huge hungerer for community (most of us are, right?) and my community on the ground is very limited so please consider this the warmest invitation I can possibly deliver via blogger: I would love if any of you dear friends want to join me on this journey? Please come along.... Please let me know... it would be such a joy to journey with you. (Your pace for the journey is just fine...)

Oh may our days be filled with and revolve around and be anchored deep in the truth of God's word..... without it I'll be that double-minded man unstable, unsteady, unsturdy driven by and towards whatever waves of the day happen to bring my way. Lord steady me in you, your truth, your love, your promises.

Ann ends her Mount Memory Cards with these words... and I echo them now:

"So this commitment...
Committing our hearts to Him and His Word to our hearts."

the bears

2012-02-05T15:20:00.008+08:00

walking into the Panda Research Base

(Bet you can guess The Color of Chinese New Year, right?)

We had five full days of fun with these dear friends... but I think the one outing that left the biggest impression on our kiddos was seeing the Pandas. Matt pulled out the ipod on the way there and we listened to Andrew Petersons' "Bears" song...

Oh Panda bears aren't so scary they're eating up China bamboo

But if you don't mind your mama, they just might come and eat you.

The tune was hummed/whistled throughout the morning there and most every time

the "eat you" was a cue for some sort of tickley-muncheroo on a little giggler.

Such a fun time!

As it turned out, I got to hold the camera and my little love, John's hand for most of the morning.... Walking with my sweetheart, slow pokey boy meant for lots of shots of John and everyone else's behind. Such a nice morning for me to go slow and soak in all the joy that I could find from that perspective!

(How often am I telling our kids to receive what they are given, be grateful, be glad?
It is a sweet thing to do!)

The best way to get the kids to the finish line when they're dragging

near the end of a long journey? Red light, green light.

views...

2012-02-03T22:37:00.006+08:00

Here's a few views from my seat on the train....

I really, really tried to get more shots of our surroundings, the people, the scenery, the tracks and stations.... but somehow my hands are always full of something about these great treasures in my life..

16 hours southwest in our comfy though smoky (coming in through the seems) sleeper berth to see dear friends that stood with us at our wedding (Matt was a groomsmen for Matt).

their little princess Lydia

our precious Marian

We are so grateful for you dear friends!

What do you say we join forces as the K2 team for some grand adventure one day!?

another Matt daddy with his boy Isaac

Endless fun every waking hour for all 7 kids (under 6). Fantastic fellowship and great talks for us with Matt and Laura once our off the wall goofballs were asleep... or on their beds at least. This was the perfect encouragment, perfect vacation for us. What a Good Gift from our Gracious God to give us this time away with you...

We praise the Lord for these days with you and for each one of you: Matt, Laura, Julianna, Lydia, Isaac, sweet baby K inside, and precious little K waiting to be adopted into your love. (The Lord knows, sees, you dear little waiter, and precious friends, he knows your waiting too...)

this fantastic group of kids ate lunch in their pjs and princess dress-up clothes at least one of our days together

Isaiah and Julianna

(another post coming soon with more pics of the fun...

and with the super tips we picked up- and hope to put into practice!- from these wise parents)

sweet spots

2012-01-25T23:22:00.001+08:00

We had our first snow this winter. So sweet to gaze on it together.

Vivi was so enthralled with the winter white, even the cold railings didn't deter her...

and yep, she's wearing her big bro's hand-me-downs... gladly (for the sake of the fleece!)

The snow made turned our back patio into a perfect place for broom ball

And we enjoyed a way-later-than normal bedtime with the kids... sitting in their window box together, watching the fireworks for Chinese New Year. This was constant right outside our windows- front and back- till way past midnight and it won't end for two more weeks!

And of course there's more... but we're hoping on a train tomorrow to visit dear friends who live in The City of Pandas. Much to do... hopefully I can post more photos of the new year and a fun excursion we took as well as some views of our ride and visit west.

Love to you dear friends!

O Church Arise

2012-01-22T20:09:00.000+08:00

O Church Arise
by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

O Church Arise and put your armour on
Hear the call of Christ our Captain
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We’ll stand against the devil’s lies
An army bold whose battle-cry is Love
Reaching out to those in darkness

Our call to war to love the captive soul
But to rage against the captor
And with the sword that makes the wounded whole
We will fight with faith and valour
When faced with trials on every side
We know the outcome is secure
And Christ will have the prize for which He died
An inheritance of nations

Come see the cross where love and mercy meet
As the Son of God is stricken
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet
For the Conqueror has risen
And as the stone is rolled away
And Christ emerges from the grave
This victory march continues till the day
Every eye and heart shall see Him

So Spirit come put strength in every stride
Give grace for every hurdle
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way
Retelling triumphs of His grace
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When with Christ we stand in glory

Oh that this would be the tune of my heart as we finish this cold winter....

From the Getty's site, you can watch a video/ hear the tune if you're interested.

How's the Climb-It?

2012-01-13T14:51:00.005+08:00

JT, you sweet son, fun brother, you are endlessly loved and enjoyed,...

The norm at the K house is that every time Daddy declares "lego time" to lay on the guest mattress and build legos (usually with Isaiah), John declares "climb-it" time... to climb all over daddy. For some reasons John loves to repeat himself (sometimes for 10 minutes straight if he finds a line that he loves). When he's climbing on Daddy, "Climb-It" is his mantra.... He's becoming quite a skillful climber... and Matt is amazing at building with the big guy while maintaining his mountain stance for the little guy. This is John's latest toe-hold.

The last day of prizes for Marian as she leaned to sleep with no Sleep Toy was a surprise for each one of our big kids. They each got their own colored flashlight. And in other word-change news....
Flashlight is now a verb (in our house at least).

As in, "Let's go flashlight guys!"

Which means....

"let's go fill this dark, still home with screams and laughter and flashes of wild light!"

(And I'm sure you don't need me to tell you ... they do it very well.)

this week

2012-01-13T13:04:00.003+08:00

(Beware... this is a long one!)

This week started off with a text message about one of Marian's dear classmate friends (her fellow angel in the pic back a few posts)... it would be her last day at preschool ever, play date at noon pickup.

Most the foreign kiddos our kids' preschool. This is the noon pick-up crowd :).

We didn't know what was happening but soon learned that the Mama was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She told me how very much the Lord had provided for them.... "it just so happened" that they were scheduled to be at a conference in Hong Kong immediately after she found the lump and they had help to arrange lots of medical appointments while they were there. 6 days after they arrived back here, their whole home was packed up and all their good-byes said. A big blow through the heart just to hear the news and especially, for our little girl grieving her friend moving away. She's determined that our family needs to visit them soon... in England. It's a good life lesson, another opportunity to wrestle with the fallenness of our world, exercise our weak faith and strengthen our weak knees as we commit to praying for this family through this journey...

Another precious friend of mine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and I feel like my own faith has been strengthened, invigorated, as I've read her posts of learning to trust in the Lord through this. She recently shared an awesome hymn- lyrics well worth proclaiming to myself again and again. Thank you, friend. I love you dear Cari!

...at the Good-Bye dinner. Here's the big sis we'll miss.

Nearing 10 months now... Vivi Hope is pulling herself up to stand alongside furniture, covering way too much ground crawling like a speedster, and beginning to wave Bye Bye. And is it possible she's trying to say "Hi"?

Oh this precious beautiful girl....
such an incredible delight she is!

Oh, hello Sasafrass.

I guess even the K Family Journal needs a fashion post maybe?

At least I know this girl will be our fashion model and advisor if ever there is one.

The braids are her new favorite do and a scarf is her latest must-have.

Thank You for this sweet coat dear JJK!

We LOVE you Marian Lynn!

And this big guy.... I'm so grateful for him. I enjoy him so much. I'm so proud of how he's growing to read and help and play and rollerblade... And I love that even though he asks for a cuddle on his bed at bedtime maybe only once for every 4 dozen times it's begged for on the bunk below him, every time I ask him if I can cuddle him, he lights up with a smile and makes room for me to lay beside him for a minute.... and often I get to hear a story from him when I do. I love this fantastic boy!

A few weeks ago Matt noticed that our bathroom sink was really wobbly. The whole sink was only held up by 4 screws in the wall (nothing for it to stand on)... so we wedged a stool in there for the night and planned to take care of it in the morning. But before any work got done on it and before I thought through what was happening... Isaiah yanked and pulled on that stool.... and the sink came down on his head, sent him flying to the back wall, and broke mama's heart along with leaving quite a little mark on the his forehead.

We didn't expect our landlord to care at all... we fully expected to have to buy a few more wooden stools to screw in to the bottom of both bathroom sinks as support.

But lo and behold, our landlord was shockingly generous! She bought two brand-new nice sinks! It's silly how we'd walk by the bathroom the first few days and just admire... do a double take. Is that Our New Sink!? Such a cruise-ship feel! (I imagine.) It's silly I know... but still... What a blessing!

The new sink even came with a built-in washing board for us to wash our clothes by hand.

And our Christmas tree has been down for over a week now but still... just wanted to post one pic of our tree from outside. For what I could see, there were only 2 Christmas trees up in our complex (of approximately 4,000 neighbors.) We've thought several times about how we miss the show of Christmas lights all around but it's also true that we are so glad to have our little lights

shine in a dark place...

Disturb Us, Lord

2012-01-10T10:59:00.000+08:00

I've posted this before, but today I need it before my own eyes and heart and so I'll share it here again too.

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

by Sir Francis Drake, late 1500s

Wolf Teeth... and how they inspire

2012-01-07T15:18:00.007+08:00

Last Friday night we thought we'd start talking with Marian more seriously about how she needs to stop sucking on her "sleep toy" to sleep. I thought it would be something like taking her off drugs.... when she used it (ie- every time she closed her eyes for sleep) her eyes would roll back in her head and she'd drift off to sleep easily. If it was "spicy" (read stinky) she would wait up for however long it took me to get her a new, clean one. We even went through a time where this addiction included sleep toy needing to be pre-wet for her (the ears and hands that she sucked on needed to be dipped in drinking water.) Oh how many days of my life have I spent on her sleep toy addiction?

We knew she needed to kick the habit before her big teeth came in and it wasn't looking like she was progressing towards that on her own. We needed to help her and really wanted to make it a positive experience so we started stalking up on prizes..... and I thought I'd just prime the pump a little to show her some pictures I found online of what happens to your teeth when you suck on things....to encourage her that it would be worth it to slowly move away from this bad habit.

I googled "ugly thumb sucking teeth" and this one picture was the most ghastly. (From the link, scroll down a bit. I first posted the pic, but man, it's just too awful to put here!) I cuddled her while we looked at several picutres and I shared with her that although we love her sleep toy, if she sucks on it too much, her teeth will probably look more and more like this.... And of course, she didn't like that news one bit.

That night she didn't touch her sleep toy. She woke up finding it near her feet on her bed. It was dry and she was beaming (she wanted that prize). And she's only sucked on it for a few minutes since then, begging for a clean one as soon as she remembers that she doesn't want to suck on it any more, and then she keeps the clean one dry all night. What a girl.

It's shocking to me that this wasn't a physical addiction at all. Once she chose to be done.... no problem. I really thought her sleep was somehow physically dependent on sucking this toy. But what a grace to be wrong! She's done great!!!

Good bye to being used like this, Sleep Toy, old pal.
But we're glad you can stick around as a cuddle toy now.
(Spring 2010)

The best part for her was the ribbon gift.... I found a gymnastics ribbon for her to dance with that she absolutely adores. We stayed up late watching you tube clips of Anna Bessanova and May was sky high with starry eyes and twinkle toes... (I woke up the next morning to her standing on the couch performing for the boys who were sitting on the floor, wrapped up together in a blanket and totally enthralled with this ribbon beauty...) We're so glad to get to mark this big step with such joy for her. It has been a hard step for her (especially at nap times when she's had a few times crying that she doesn't want to go to sleep even when she's clearly wasted tired) but she's done it and we are so glad, so proud!

It's been a bit of an adjustment for all of us because, just like I expected, she didn't sleep at all in the afternoon several days this week (not all bad: longer afternoon, more reading lessons, much quicker bedtime). It also means we have a resident dental advisor now. She checked her own teeth in the mirror noticed a space between her teeth.... we're keeping our eyes on it. And she warned her brother at the table, "if you suck on that (he slipped a toy in his mouth for a second) you're going to have wolf teeth. "

not right...

2012-01-04T11:32:00.001+08:00

The K Family Journal is transitioning to what will, in the end, hopefully be a nice new template design. But in the meanwhile, there have been photos in the header (the template default) that I despise. Deepest regret if anyone else checked this site at that wrong time. Oh to erase those images from the world and certainly from our blog!

I'm trusting that this transition will be done soon? May it be! Thanks for your patience with me as I wait (eagerly!!) too....

Thanks friends....

jill

just pics

2011-12-30T15:04:00.004+08:00

Our warriors...

(don't miss the mesh drawstring bag tied around Isaiah's head)

And here's our winter scenery...

See that bright yellow crane one block back?

We had lots of fun, wonderful friends with us around Christmas and the weeks leading up to it.

We got one of these test-your-IQ puzzles for Christmas...

... surely you're jealous.

Now, this is not what Christmas is really about, but a part of it still... The kids got all the stuff of dreams this year. Isaiah made out like a lego bandit (and he knows the legos are for sharing with all the kids). Thank you cool family and sweet "Auntie" Dawn! Marian's dollhouse is fully furnished and populated now, thanks to our lavish family.

Our big two kids got roller blades from us. And this little guy- who had all awesome owl gifts otherwise- also got his first bike from his mom and dad.

This little girl has her own beautiful growth chart and a beautiful blanket and sleep toy now... as well as two dresses that match with her big sister.

Oh this little beauty.... she is really enjoying her baths these days, loving to stand up by furniture, and playing at copying a few syllables (ma and da being the most important... ok, the only ones so far).

More views from our window... Can you guess that we didn't move here for the winter landscape?

I'll admit I get frustrated that although this country is so respected for it's high standards for education,

dozens of people we pass on the street still burn piles of all sorts of trash- including plastics.

The hard part is that so many people have no other warmth. But seeing them inhale toxic fumes

to add a bit of warmth doesn't really brighten the scene.

Heartache... on many levels. (oh, and head ache too!)

The big three had a fun Christmas performance at school. May's song (above) was super cute and I'm really hoping that a video will upload for you to see a bit more... stay tuned...

Merry Christmas! {2011}

2011-12-24T10:12:00.001+08:00

Wishing you all the Merriest Christmas and a Joyful 2012!

May the masterful, eternal significance of life weigh on each of us in this time of celebration...

to draw us into wonder and marveling at the God who made us and loves us so greatly...

so greatly that he would send his Son into our polluted world to rescue us

and give us Hope and Forever Life with Him.

We hope and pray that the new year will be a time of growing deeper and stronger in knowing

His promises and sovereignty and love.

We love you too, dear friends,

and we're so grateful for your love for us!

Matt & Jill, Isaiah (almost 6), Marian (4.5), John (2.5) and Vivi (9 mo)

(for the sillier shots from our Christmas photo shoot, scroll down a few posts)

Photo by Jake Bell, July 2011

her first Christmas

2011-12-21T23:16:00.004+08:00

The standard portrait was too tricky for me to capture singlehandedly....

but who would want a standard pose over this...?

For some reason I just love this little glimpse of her nearly chubby legs...

Merry Christmas Vivian Hope. We are delighted to have you completing our family this year.
What a joy of a gift you are to each of us! We praise the Lord for you darling.

2011 Blog Reader Awards

2011-12-19T13:20:00.005+08:00

I have to take this opportunity at the end of the year to thank you friends that read the ramblings here, that email or pray for us. Thank you. I’m guessing that many of you have fantastic small groups or churches to attend on Sunday morning where you can connect with a great group of people who you love and who care about you. Well... in a really important and very long-distance, high-tech sort of way , you are that group to us.

Thank you for letting us hear from you. Thank you for your feedback on these posts. Thank you for the tips and treasures you share with us (sermons, posts, books, music...). Thanks for emailing us your family photos. It might sound like there are dozens in this precious group, but actually you are an elite few (with others of course welcome to join in!) Thank you friends!

And in the spirit of giving awards, there’s one more to give. To the Kind Lady in McDonald’s. Thank you for caring for our kids.

Last night we took our kids to McDonald’s (we actually do value nutrition, but...). It was a night to honor our beginning readers with an ice cream sundae. Both our big kids have read 5 early readers now. We are so delighted and proud!

I can’t even think of the last time that we’ve been out of our house when a stranger has said anything to our kids except “Oh look, foreigners. Look at their white skin, blue eyes, yellow hair...” (I’m sure I sound extreme, but I promise it’s true. It’s as if folks here have all received the same 4 page script of things to say to foreigners and questions to ask, like: Where are you from? Do you know you can only have one child in China? Aren’t you tired to death having four little kids? Have you bought your apartment or do you rent? How much money do you make?... It’s the same script everywhere we go and it’s not bad. We are the fish trying to swim on this land... the oddball foreigners in this heritage-rich, full of wisdom and beauty culture that we still do. not. fit. in.)

So... to sit down across from one other American family and have that mom speak individually to each of our readers and tell them she thought they must be really smart and tell them good job for working so hard.... it just about makes this mama’s heart break with joy. Thank you, Shelly. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you, Lord, for all these friends...

This is Why...

2011-12-18T12:43:00.003+08:00

When the first strum comes in on this song, my attention is drawn....
and then these lyrics. This is the very word, the bread, my soul needs to live:

"I am tangled up in contradiction
I am strangled by my own two hands
I am haunted by the hounds of addiction
Hosanna, Hosanna"

This is the song, the word for why I am a Christian.

Matt and I have deeply delighted in this song, Hosanna, and this whole album Resurrection Letters Volume II from the greatly enjoyed Andrew Peterson. If you're looking for a gift to give, I can't think of a better one....

Plenty of friends have told me, tried to encourage me, that I don't need to focus so much on my sin. I don't need to worry about it. I'm really not so bad.... just look at how good I want to be. That's good!

But that doesn't save me. My sin is a reality. I know it. My kids know it. My husband and the neighbors I pass by when I'm late. And it's not ok. It doesn't just evaporate. God is holy and this is not. I am not.

But.... Salvation! It is coming and not from within me. Salvation that is flawless, changeless (how often am I at all like that?) is sure and promised and living and true. Salvation has come! (Merry Christmas!)

Since Hosanna isn't Enlish... it's worth sharing what the word is about:

It used to be what you would say when you fell off the diving board.. like when somebody pushes you off the diving board before you can swim and you come up hollering: "Help, save me . . . Hoshiya na!"

But it came to be what you would say when you see the lifeguard coming to save you! It is the bubbling over of a heart that sees hope and joy and salvation on the way and can't keep it in.

So "Hosanna!" means, "Hooray for salvation! It's coming! It's here! Salvation! Salvation!"

(quoted from...)

A few more lyrics for you:

"You have crushed beneath your heel the black serpent

You have carried to the grave the black stain

You have torn apart the temple's holy curtain

You have beaten death and death's own game

Hosanna!

Hail the long awaited King come to set his people free!

Won't you tear the temple down, lift it up on holy ground!?

I will lift my voice and sing you have come and washed me clean!

Hosanna!"

Hail the long awaited King.... born in a manger.

He has come! He will come again!

May this be the glad anthem of all our days...

Hosanna!

the out-takes

2011-12-17T01:57:00.004+08:00

Oh friends, we tried so hard to get that one shot of this whole crew. You know, the one sparkling pic to be framed forever? We came close a few times... like the pic above. The shots below were.... well, not so close.... but they still seem worth sharing :)

Matt is gone all day (before breakfast til after bedtime) with business classes on Thursdays and since he's usually the energy for the kiddo-fun in the late evening, the kids and I watched a dinosaurs documentary without him this week. This is our dinosaur pose... notice the gentle herbivore and the ferocious carnivore...

Just the regular... Matt hitting himself on the head with a pillow to make the kids laugh for photos. Most the pics of the real laughing are too blurry to notice any faces... these are just little laughs here but you can still tell that this daddy is the best man in our whole world, right?

I would have loved to be able to get a photo shoot outside, but our heavy, dirty coats are just not at all as cute as these sweet dresses that Grandma and Grandpa sent. Marian was *thrilled* to get to match with Vivi..... and Vivi? She was mostly just thrilled with that teether.

This is their sleepy pose....

A Christmas Rearranged

2011-12-17T01:42:00.003+08:00

A bit of history.... I wrote this post last year but since it wasn't finished till after Christmas here it is now.

This has definitely been the best of our M & J family Christmas's yet.... Several great
influences collided for us and led us to some sweet tweaks to our family traditions.

Too often I have argued that "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" but sometimes I wonder if that is perhaps more self-defense that "I really am a Christian".... while I'm celebrating this fantastic Christian holiday exactly like the Christ-less world does, except for perhaps one or two additions. Who is to blame then, for forgetting the reason for all this? Has Jesus really been the consistent focus- start to finish- for this whole season of celebration or have we postured ourselves, our budget, our time around countless, unneeded, over-the-top gifts?

Why do we do this to ourselves?

"When All the Gifts are for Him", posted at Christmas Change, rung in me like a clarion. It seemed like a no-brainer to read. Yes, Yes! Of course we should be celebrating, feasting for, rejoicing in, and worshipping, serving our King who has come!

And so, our rearrangement.... Lord order this celebration in our lives truly for Your Glory!

~ We have enjoyed a wonderful Advent season together, anticipating the birth of our Savior. Candlelight nightly after dinner, a story from the Word and the picture hung on our Jesse Tree. Then often this ends with worship tunes enjoyed together, maybe some dancing, maybe (probably) cookies. This is without doubt the sweetest, most glorious time of the year.

~ At Matt's leading, we've held off on certain Christmas carols. In this season of advent, we're building anticipation and anticipation is a gift in itself to be increasingly built and enjoyed until the revealing.

~ For Christmas Eve we dressed the table and ate all in candlelight (amazing how candlelight seems to invite and encourage the best attention from our kids).... We remembered Peter the High King of Narnia, as he rode to battle, raising his sword and shouting "For Narnia.... and for Aslan!" The kids and I raised our glasses of grape juice and sprite and we all toasted "To King Jesus! and His Glory!" (It's really sweet to see how Narnia has enlivened my vision for feasting to our King's glory.) Much joy all around.

~ After dinner we put up sandals on our Jesse Tree... heading to Bethlehem now... and we talked again about who we are celebrating this Christmas. God's gift to us: Jesus! I t's His birthday not ours! But it would be just like him to give gifts to us on his birthday. And just like God gave us His Son to be our Savior, a gift too great for words, a gift we have never deserved, we can give a few small gifts to each other to celebrate his goodness too. A few presents, just a small piece of the party. And the night should end in glad thanksgiving.

~ Gifts~ It does seem to fit, and it is just like our King, with all his lavishness, that we could receive gifts at his birthday. Since we hold off buying much at all throughout the year, the gifts given now can be really needed/useful things and not just junk for cluttering. We buy the kids each one nice gift and maybe a little thing too. (The grandparents and family.... they're not so into the "few gifts" bit... We just might have to space out these gifts a little bit... but hopefully our kids are still catching the point that serving and worshipping Jesus is the peak joy in this celebration.)

~ Christmas morn we woke to the glad proclamation: "Joy to the World!" Now the celebration has come. It is as complete now as it will be till he comes again and there is such shaping anticipation in our hearts for that future celebration! We had the most special breakfast we could muster- French Toast with Cranberries and Huang Di Gar (like oranges, but better) and we're spending time in worship, and joyful play and rest together now. Really, when this is His day, what should it be about other than worshipping Him, serving others (whatever you do for the least of these you do for me), and celebrating Him, honoring Him together? This year plans fell through for a few service ideas we had, but we'll carol His joy to some neighbors here and give them fruit baskets. A day of worship and celebration and joy in Jesus more than I think I have been mindful of much before...

~ Serving ~ We really want this day to be about us connecting with others. It seems like it can be entirely unAmerican (and we can confuse this with being un-Christian) to think of spending Christmas day with anyone but family. But really.... haven't we been called to give? Isn't his grace towards us so lavish and full that we should be overflowing into the lives of those who need to know, need his love, need his care? I hope that serving others will mark our family life together and especially, that it would mark our Christmas celebrations together.

Many prayers have gone up for our family to know and deeply realize the cause of all this celebration. Oh may this day rightly change us! May we rightly honor Him! What a gift we have received at Christmas that our Savior would come to us, for us. Praise be!

Sunday Afternoon

2011-12-11T22:47:00.001+08:00

He almost caught it!

I love (a thousand times love...) family time. Love being together for something new or fun or maybe something ordinary (the same book we've read 99 times already now). An indescribable joy that's tied up in my joy is that our kids love "family time" too.... It hits them, most especially Marian, like the best news she can dream of when we tell them that it's family time to cuddle and read or head out to a park together. (Isaiah is pretty glad for alone time to draw or play legos and John is super glad for cuddle time with Mama... But each one of us enjoy time when it's just us, together, for something special.) Oh I love this crew so much! And too, such a joy, such grace that we've all been healthy this week. Thank you Lord!

Astounding Grace

2011-12-08T09:04:00.002+08:00

A magnificent poem for the Christmas season....

Astounding grace, that God the Son

should choose to leave his Father’s glory

and refuse to clutch his dignity

exploit his right

make himself a no one in our sight

The word made flesh

the Son of God

the timeless God clothed in a mortal span

now born a baby in a cattle shed

transcendent God who suffered and bled

Astounding grace that Christ should suffer death

and know first-hand

the grave’s cold clammy breath

that he the Prince of Life, creation’s Lord

should take the curse which we could not afford

He died our death, buried all our sin

He tore the veil, we boldly enter in

He saw our bitter hates, our dreadful lust

He bore our guilt and then declared us just

Astounding grace that I who could not hear God’s warning judgements

now should come to fear impending death

the certainty of hell

yet find in Christ my fears completely quelled

Once I was blind

in shoreless wastes I drowned

but now I see the lost sheep has been found

my guilts forgiven I gaze upon his face

exalting Christ

and His astounding grace

Amen.

D.A. Carson read this poem at the end of his excellent sermon “Sin and the Fall” on Genesis 3. I wish I had proper punctuation down for this poem but I just recorded it as I listened to his recorded sermon.... thank you for grammar grace.

little moments

2011-12-07T13:58:00.001+08:00

Just can't let these sweet moments be forgotten...

Marian was practicing some reading at the table earlier this week and she came across the word "HE" which she's seen before, but today she stumbled over it.... Was it "he" (rhymed with 'me' or rhymed with 'the')? This simple question turned into a wild rumpus for a little donkey with an accent..... and she must have been part hyena too because she could not stop laughing at the he-heh bit for ten minutes or so. Silly Goofy Queen this girl!

Matt made pizza for us this week (Uyghur flat bread for crust, homemade tomato sauce with the whole garden blended up so no one can protest and cheddar on top, but at least it was white cheddar). After the first two were almost done, Matt wanted to put the next two pizzas on the table, but someone needed to take the last piece. Marian gobbled it up and John promptly scolded her for it. Finger pointed firmly across the table, "No take pizza all done!" And then it happened again and Marian did it just to show her brother she could. This time he erupted! I could see his little caring-for-others heart breaking. "Marian take pizza all gone Again! No Marian! No!" I don't think I've ever seen him so angry at her before. And I cannot help but laugh every time I think of it!

Rapunzel Baby is a crawler! We could not delight any bit more in this little treasure girl. And she is little.... our littlest to be sure. We've never had a baby that wasn't chubby and although she's still got that little baby squishiness to her, she's just not a chunker, especially like her big brothers were.

Baseball.... Matt is dreaming of a bilingual baseball league here one day.... (maybe not too far off in the future!?)

A round of hide and seek...

And one last one... I just can't forget this regular potty moment either:
As we flush together (our lever is pretty tough to press down), John's sweet voice: "Bye Bye poo-poo... bye bye my poo-poo... bye bye two poo-poos."

upper bunk art gallery

2011-12-07T12:10:00.001+08:00

I had a large pile of artwork that I was saving for January... when we finally get to organize/ decorate (just a bit!) the "school room." I've put up several pictures he's drawn, but I've been excited to see much more Isaiah's art on the walls then..... but really, why wait!? Isaiah jumped in and pasted up a few of his favorites on the walls over his bed this week.

I'm so glad he did.... I sure love this boy and I love his art! This one on the left is the machine that Clint Lockwood (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs guy, thanks Auntie Amy!) built that turns the weather (see the water being poured in the top?) into food (ie. the hamburger at the bottom.) The green guy on the right is Wall-E, of course.

raising banners

2011-11-27T14:43:00.001+08:00

For Thanksgiving this year we wanted to lift our eyes and hearts to remember the goodness of God to give us His good gifts (our lives are so full of His grace!). It seemed sweet that we could be surrounded with thanks, enclosed within gratefulness at each meal, our dining table encircled with banners of thanks. We actually didn't get ourselves completely surrounded this year.... but next year we'll be on the job a bit earlier and we'll get it done and then some.... I hope!

What a joy to celebrate such a Giver as our God!

And how good it is for us to lift our eyes and hearts, our voices and our pens to Him in THANKS!

The kids all loved the banner that Matt made for each one of them... all truly goofy and fun and complete with their names in the three languages we love

Our big girl bannered her thanks for her little sis.... and what'a letter or two out of place?
We all know that VIIV means Vivi, right!?
And the banner next to it?.... That I could be his.... what lavish wonder!

Mother Prayers

2011-11-22T13:32:00.005+08:00

"The Bible isn't mainly a book of rules...it's a Story" (we love The Jesus Storybook Bible)... and it's an Incredible one at that. But it does have a lot of rules, and they're good for us, and its tough to hold both sides of this coin in view at the same time. The Rules ("Law") and the Rescue ("Gospel"). We can't pitch the rules to receive the rescue. So what 'ya do?

The glory of following Christ is not that we no longer have rules to follow, but that we aren't saved by following them. We're saved by following Him (trusting in his death for our sins, his life for ours) and in His light, we learn to see the beauty of His way of life. So all this about love, and all these goals for my own walk with Him and for gentle mothering, this I strive after with all his grace which so powerfully works in me.... but at the end of the day, my joy is that I'm forgiven, not that I've ever reached any goal at all. Ahh, the glory!! He loves! He forgives! Me!... the chief of sinners.

Maybe this seems a little detail heavy to point out, but I'm writing this post about prayers, ideals, goals for motherhood and I don't want anyone to think either a) that we could ever earn salvation by being just so good or b) that I have the least little bit arrived at any of these goals. The reason I'm writng this at all is because I am *desperate* for the Lord's grace in these very areas.... So, although I haven't and really won't ever "arrive" I just can't pitch these prayers, these goals. I am straining towards this nevertheless, with all of God's power working within me...

My Mother Prayers. These words, bullet prayers, to help me remember His grace ways with me and how I long to love them too...

EMBRACE: Compassion before Consequences

ABSORB: instead of rubbing their noses in the list of all the work I do for them, just do it. And for the times when 3 busy mouths are burning with bickering and complaining and requests all at once, "I am a Raquetball Court." Absorb the shock. Don't fire it right back! (This from Rachel Jankovic's masterpiece, 55 star book "Loving the Little Years." I'll write more about this soon... I hope!)

WAIT: not tolerating disobedience, but respecting comprehension & transition time as they move towards obeying... and also, accepting their childish slowness

WORDS / SPEAK: that my words, my voice, my face would show the love and acceptance and tender graciousness of Christ

ACCEPT: Like the "teacup theology" that Linda Dillow wrote about in Calm My Anxious Heart... Lord make me receptive to whatever you knowingly, carefully, sovereignly pour into my life today.

The WORD: Pray it for them and with them. Hide it in our hearts and sing it loud on our lips. Submit to it so that it convicts, challenges, shapes, sharpens and empowers me.

LIGHTHEARTED (LH): the picture in my mind is of that Prov 31 gal... open hands to the Lord, lifted eyes smiling, fearless trust, her laughing at the days to come.

ONE (ALONE): This post from Sally Clarkson blessed me and excites me so much about getting one on one time with the kids.... that I can journey through the next 20ish years being this kind of mom to these precious kids growing up in our home? Grace! Wild, Wonderful Grace!

MARVEL: at His Word, His creation, His character, and evidences of His image and love among us. Go slow enough to notice beauty, to savor moments, to apprehend His majesty with us always in silence, storm or silliness...

DELIGHT: Laugh! with them.... and ok, at them sometimes too...

SERVE: I am so grateful for this talk, this woman who shared the motto she found, "to serve with joy." And doesn't all our training, caring for, disciplining come down to serving these little ones?

PREPARE: Never Rush. As Ann Voskamp says, "only amateurs hurry." Aim to be ready 10 minutes early so as not to press the clock down on them.

GENTLE: may there be a tenderness, a softness in me even if it comes across as weakness, unconfidence, to the world. I can be gentle because I'm leaning into an all-powerful, competent Father to care for all of us. He promises to provide and assures that nothing can snatch us from Him. Rest secure in Him, the True Gentle Shepherd.

Last year 1 Peter was my book for cross-sultural work. This year James is my book for motherhood. James 3:18 "A harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." Lord, by your great grace, please make this harvest and this sowing and this peace true in us, in my mothering, for your glory in their lives and in our home.

on brokenness and gentleness

2011-11-21T21:35:00.003+08:00

In the midst of all our laughter, bickering, lego building, singing, bike riding... crazy lives, we never go long without Matt mentioning this: that none of the parenting books and nobody's wise words ever prepared us for the lunacy we would regularly encounter with our kiddos. Like all parents, we don't just see their lunacy and get to pass by like observers. Nope, this is the stuff we're responsible for fixing, soothing, giving thanks for, rescuing from, forgiving, cleaning up, and not peeing our pants over....

This parenthood, it's worlds tougher than I ever recognized... even just after my mother journey began. It's darn hard.

And sometimes there's funny stories and there's lots of cute stuff- and often all six of us are in stitches at once- but there are other times of heartache, failure, ex-huast-ion and general wretchedness that I can only cry over and lament aloud before God.

This past week has had more than it's share of that ugly stuff and it makes me endlessly grateful again for the story of Jesus, for the Truth about Him that makes me His: that I belong to Him not because I ever have or ever could earn a single star on His chart but because He is a wildly, lavishly loving Savior.... He paid the price, the death price for my sin, and He gave me life with Him. I live with this Sure Living Hope.... hope that remains even when clouded over on gray days.

They say "Don't cry over spilled milk," and I think it's intended for kids, but there are times when I've cried over it too.

Like last week.... I cried over spills when I was just too tired to clean another thing. But the real low point was a certain moment involving throw up. It wasn't Wednesday night when we had guests with us for dinner, (I had spent most of the previous two days flat in bed whole body fevered and aching from a nursing infection,) when after dinner I tossed up the only meal I'd eaten in two days into the basin beside me while I nursed our sweet little girl on our bed. It wasn't the throw up that spurted randomly every half hour or so from our little guy a few days before that. It was the one time our big guy threw up: in the bathroom, sweet legs pressed against the toilet and face turned so that his bucketful of gross sloshed across the whole bathroom floor.

I broke. It was a sorrowful moment for a mom. I've never felt so wasted tired from motherhood, physically and emotionally (not anger but sorrow enough for a year of all this little stuff). Never have I wanted my mom's help, her comfort and care more. I ached and I broke. And I still feel broken.

And broken isn't all bad. It's really true, there's beauty in brokenness. I can see that even from the place I am now, a little bit trembly still. (Honest.) I came across a reminder of gentleness and it made me smile and I lingered with that thought for a while. Yea..... Lord please make me a gentle mama.

It reminds me of our chat about one local friend recently. How she seems so timid (maybe it's cultural misunderstanding, misconnects between us?). And Matt's comment, "I wonder if when we meet Jesus, we won't see that her character is more His style than the Go Get 'Em Boldness we tend to admire?" Maybe she's more gentle than timid? Maybe it's not bad?

Gentle feels like God's perspective on my broken feeling. Just last night I curled up on my knees and Matt prayed with me, for me, that I would dwell richly in gentleness, the gentleness of Christ, as a mom. And just this morning he told he could see some newness there.... "It's a lot easier when I feel so broken and all I have strength for is pretty much a whisper."

I know I'm going to get my voice back and more strength back and get ambition-high and giddy over checking things of my daily list again. But then too, I pray that the Lord will lead me in his gentleness, like I am enjoying this aspect of Him in this tender way, in this broken time now.

(I had planned on sharing a few more of our silly moments but.... I think I'll just wrap this one up for now and try to post again soon.)

recently...

2011-11-19T15:52:00.000+08:00

There's my fantastic beginner reader, awesome artist big boy. If only he wouldn't dodge the camera so much these days he'd show up here so much more often and make this mama so glad.....

Here's our pretty little sitter. How is it she's so big already!? She's not up on her knees to high yet for a regular crawl but she can slither much faster than I would ever want to see a snake go!

Can you spot the slit on her bottom right gum where her first tooth peaked through on the eve of her 8 month mark this past week?

Truth Habit

2011-11-06T22:05:00.287+08:00

Saturday morning was a rough patch for me. I was not in the pit of depression and I still laughed happy some that day... but it wasa bit grey for a stretch and so I'm going to preach a little sermon (post) to myself to lift my eyes and heart to the Truth...

But first, here's the backdrop for you:

Saturday morning I skyped with one of my dearest friends in the world. She stood up and we finally got the camera position just right so I could see how ripe and round her belly is, full of life. And I got her email about all the girlfriends who were welcome to come by her place as soon as she's in labor. (She even has a hamper set aside for them to match socks for her, such a thoughtful host to provide an activity for the waiting.) I love this girl and I love that baby coming soon and my man, and our babies and I are half the world away from all those friends that will gather with all their babies.

Then we ate breakfast on the "boat" that the kids arranged out of the living room furniture. That was my best shot at trying to give the kids a fun mom morning.... but it ended with too many messes, an increasingly grumpy mom, and the corner of the table impressed on John's forehead looking like a blue and purple marble bulging under his skin. (The pancakes were delicious though. Thank you, darling!)

After clean up that took probably an hour longer than it needed to, Marian and I decided to bake pretzel rolls. Ugly thoughts swirled through my head, jealous bitterness about how how far we are from the lucky people who can just go to the store and buy pretzels or ice cream or tortilla chips... and how if we could buy pretzels, we'd probably also have heat and how nice that would be... (really though, we'll have heat in less than two weeks now! and what of the millions in this country that won't have heat all winter long!? This complaining and ungratefulness is shameful but true!)

Matt started packing up to head out to class. It was almost noon so he asked me what we were going to do for lunch.... (I don't think I ever asked him. Darn selfishness!) With my plainest face, I told him that the kids and I would be fasting from lunch that day.... and Matt and I enjoyed a quick moment of amazement together at the work load involved in loving these precious treasured gifts the Lord has so generously given us. (Don't get me wrong.... not for one millisecond have our kids been unloved, it's just that the amount of work it is to care for them and keep up with life continually astounds and exhausts me!)

But it was true, Daddy would be gone the rest of the day and I still needed to feed this crew.... I misread the recipe and the pretzels- the half batch that we managed to unstick from the pan- turned out pretty unspecial but at least we did have something to eat.

Then, after too much more mess making and grumpy mess-cleaning, we made it to reading time and nap time (such a Gift of God!) and that's when my language tutor arrived for my class too...

And by the Lord's great grace.... the day ended much happier than it began.

Now here's what I want to lift my head up for... to set my mind on... I want to take captive these untrue thoughts and bind my mind to dwell on Truth... a habit of speaking the truth to myself. This time, this truth is from Habakkuk.

Though I am way too far from my dearest friends
and from our fun family,

though new lives are being born
that will be unheld, unkissed (by us) for years,
and our littlest is unkissed by all of those far-away (except her travel-pro, wonderful grandparents,)

though we are cold,
(and this country doesn't seem to sell a single blanket long enough for us)
and we are hungry for home,

though the skies are grey,
and rust and smogified cement cloud my views,

though our kids are kids (and while they are treasured and delighted in)
I am still so tired from meeting their needs for care and help still pretty much 24 hours a day...

Yet...
none of this is paramount.

Despite all that makes me feel empty and broken and tired and needy,
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God, the Lord, is my strength
he charges my heart with his power
so that I can rise,

be reminded of the truth of his patient, forgiving love for me!
and behold His faithfulness,
in the midst of all my grey,

that I may dwell richly in the land of his promise:
"I am, that I am."
"I am with you."
"You are mine."

(an adaptation/ paraphrase of Habakkuk 3:17-19)

Lord, please help me to rejoice in you despite everything (however silly or serious) here.

This post from David Powlison about Psalm 23 and what he wrote as an "antipsalm" inspired me to adapt/apply this passage like this. Powlison's post is so outstandingly worth sharing, worth discussing with everyone.... oh to live and apply the truth of the true psalm!

How did I ever...

2011-11-03T09:53:00.004+08:00

...get it this good? I still shake my head with wonder, these seven and a half years in, that I could ever be married to this man, ever get to raise these four precious lives born out of our love, ever serve and take joy on the front-lines of this life/battle together with him.

I remember an awkward (oh so tempted to write awful except that the Lord redeemed it) internship I was in more than a decade ago. All of us singles who wanted to work overseas got to take a class on marriage and family: me and three guys. (Ug.) The class came late in our internship and I had already decided not to work overseas with that group, and the teacher had probably finalized his letters home about me (that I would never do well working overseas), and two of the guys kept running into brick walls when trying to discuss views of marriage with me. Why would I argue for this position? Surely I was demeaning my gender?? No, I still disagree with those dorks ( :) )

I dreamt of marriage being a living picture of the Gospel, Christ pursuing his bride and loving her with her life, her responding with all the lavishness of a heart delighted in and made beautiful by the Lover's love. I dreamt of love and being served and serving gladly, mutual submission. And I was scoffed at- surely I was the young, dumb one- who would say roles in marriage seemed most sparklingly beautiful.... They thought that unless a husband and wife shared everything straight down the middle (each with a little of every role and responsibilty) that I was degrading myself. (Not so!)

I dreamt of raising kiddos and serving up yumminess daily when he would come home, squeeze my shoulders and kiss me in the kitchen before sitting down for dinner with our little ones (who, in the dream, were never grumpy and were always perfectly obedient, of course, because we would be patient, perfect parents...) well... it works in my dream anyway.

YES. This was my dream then and it's my delight now to serve in our home. I don't view work in the home as slave labor or as menial work that any 12 year old could do.... My view of homelife - the ideals we are striving after here- are way too glorious to be so mocked or misunderstood. This job takes all of me (physically, emotionally, spiritually), challenges me, and requires great grace from God continually even to keep things nearly rolling well here... I love every aspect and need every bit of this refining! Matt and I are agreed that the work in our home is the most important job in our lives, not second to anything he does at the office or in the classroom all day long.

My prose is getting away from me here so I'll just cut to the punch and tell you: I have been more blessed than I ever had dreamed. The Lord has completely outdone himself to give me such a man.

March 14, 2004

Matt has four evenings of class each week right now. I'm tired when he comes home. This semester is also the heaviest load I've had in language study since Isaiah was our only infant and we've added 3 kiddos and several more responsibilities since then. I'm tired and he's tired... (Masters in Chinese, 3rd language study, helping start up a business and lots of relationships, yada yada yada....) but still, when he comes home, he jumps into our circus like the ring leader he is, getting tackled, giving tickles and sometimes spanks and often pep talks and always hugs before he even gets a drink of water or a potty break of his own. All this, often after a 1.5 hour bike road home in the cold. (Edit: he just clarified that he rides 1.5 hour daily but round trip... I still think he's awesome.) He loves me and he loves our kids so blazingly, wonderfully much (and he'll probably be embarrassed when he reads this and ask me to take it down, but I won't (though I truly usually do value the respect and submission bit).... Sorry Darling.)

I am so glad I get to lead our home and he gets to lead us all in it. He's the director of our show (though he also submits to the Script and it's Writer). I'm the stage manager. I'm so blessed that the weight and responsibility of ultimately keeping the roof over this circus is on his shoulders and not mine. But my role is crucial too. And while it's different than his (just like I'm different than him) there's no thought of my work or my value being any less than his, him... I love it. I love him.

Next week we're starting to meet with our tutors (a sweet dating couple) for an attempt at premarital counseling. It will be something to talk about love and humility and what makes a marriage and selflessness, sacrifice, service, perseverance and forgiveness with these guys. We look forward to sharing with them about the love of God- 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 3:16- and how all this is unattainable with mere human effort but it gets planted in us like a seed to grow by the One who has first loved us so lavishly. Selfless love. Forgiveness. God Does This.

The pleasure is all mine that I should get to grow with this man to know and love and serve this Lover God with him.

Thank you, Thank you, Lord.

I need sleep tonight (please kiddos!) so I can't go into much here.... but for a tiny bit more about Complementarianism (this view of equal and distinct and beautifully complementary roles for men and women), you could check this post or this free online book.

our little chivalrous one

2011-11-01T22:15:00.006+08:00

This boy is so much fun, such a delight to each of us and I think, to everyone who knows him...

I love sitting across from him at the table and watching his joy in his daddy.

John has a wacky ridiculous sense of humor. I don't know where he comes up with some of his goofiness... though "funny faces" at the table is entirely instigated by Daddy- a fun tradition for us.

A dear friend recently recommended "Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy" by Eric Metaxas. (It's wonderful! Such a joy and inspiration to read, and a pleasure to read "with" a friend even at such a distance. Thank you LS!)

Metaxas shared some sweet bits that siblings remembered about Bonhoeffer from when he was very young. When I first read some of it I was a bit skeptical. What real live toddlers show such chivalry as to defend their sisters from creatures (bugs) or encourage others with selfless words of love and serve them with bravery? But I've been taken aback to realize that there are some real-live evidences of such grace in the sweet little boy here in our home.

This week when Marian missed Daddy (whose had too many evening classes this semester, come quickly final exams!) John told her "It's ok Ma-yin. Daddy be home soon. Cuddle you. Ok?" He invited Vivi to sit with him in the basket that used to be her bed, that for this instant was fashioned into a boat for John to sail the seven seas. He held her close to him and then let her scoot to her side of the ship. But every few seconds he'd hug her again and put his head next to hers, like he did in his photo with her on our patio a few posts back.

We've had a guest this week and when he joins us at the table in the morning, John points out every item on the table, "Do you want bagels? apples?" This morning when Isaiah asked me about a watch that he loved that's been missing for months, John replied "I'll find it. I look for it, k?"

And he is brave too... the big kids were just playing together: May a bunny, John a frog and Isaiah a lion. Isaiah jumped out roaring at them and the bunny and frog came running to mama, squealing-shaking with delight-fear. Then Isaiah said, "Now John is the lion" and right away he roared a (not) terrible roar and showed his (not) terrible claws and chased them both around the living room. The big brother and sister roared and squealed with pure delight. And I was impressed one again with our boy. May he be just so brave for our Lord.

What an honor it would be if the Lord would raise up our John like he did Dietrich Bonhoeffer. May John know and love, praise and proclaim the goodness and sovereignty of our God like Bonhoeffer. May each one of our kids...

Oh, and it must also be mentioned that although Bonhoeffer's biography is super inspiring, he was no super-human. And neither is our ordinary-wonderful, sinful, precious, everyday-disciplined John.

Here's some proof that he's not the only one having fun (or getting messy!) at the breakfast table...

This little girl is a crazy banana addict these days and, right now, she's really into this little mesh bag toy-thing that she slurps her banana out of. (Sorry for any of you who might be like Matt, and get a bit queezy if you look long at this gooey mess all over our girl. Her smile is still worth posting to me!)

2011-11-01T21:22:00.001+08:00

One day last week, some (smoggy) fog induced all four of these sweethearts to nap in the afternoon and then, as if that wasn't gift enough!, we had a cuddle fest on our bed at wake up time. Of course I wish our linens were all fresh and the kids were all clothed and matching, but since this slightly messier place is where we really live, this is what you get... with a few blank stares and grumpy-silly looks and giggly smiles altogether.

a good day for...

2011-10-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

A good day for photos.... (My cool SIL's post- a photo shoot of our favorite 6mo little boy- reminded me of the joy of indulging myself in a long, fun photo shoot of our (spectacular) kids.)

A good day for a scooter and slides...

A good day for a little big brother to push the little love...

A good day for gifts... (thanks Yeye and Naia Nai!!!)

A good day for friendship and hugs and finally! looking at the camera without some goofy kink in a neck or finger up a nose... (Honestly, I think this is the first sweet photo I've ever gotten of these two together. This shot makes my heart skip a beat I just delight in it sooo, delight in these two precious kids sooo much!)

A good day for closing the blog up quick and snuggling with my man...

recently...

2011-10-09T22:32:00.001+08:00

Recently... it's been busy. I think I owe our "Camera Grandma" some shots from this side of the globe.

Here's a bit of an afternoon on the back patio... Everyone wanted a cuddle with Vivi...

Marian has defintely arrived in the 4 year-old, we can hear the angels singing, bit more evident responsibility stage of life. She is still our firecracker but somehow a tiny more mature one these days. We are oh so very in love with this girl... with all these sweet kiddos!

John has developed a new dance thing this season... When he's in the mood, this new grove looks like a mix of mock slow mo ice skating and imaginary gooey mud stepping.... there's a still shot to launch your imagination.

This little girl has begun her career of roaring like the prettiest little lion. (And she's nearly sitting up all by herself too.)

Bachantical Garden

2011-10-09T22:26:00.001+08:00

We visited the little bit botanical, little bit enchanted garden here in town last week.

May was absolutely delighted to carry this bottle with her hair she accidentally locked under the lid.

It was a sweet afternoon there to enjoy the flowers and leaves and birds singing, with this cute couple who are tutoring Matt and I in language. Oh they are such precious friends and great teachers.

everyday worship

2011-09-26T12:04:00.005+08:00

Paper was scarce in the 1700’s. As I remember from Noel Piper’s excellent biography- talk on Sarah Edwards, some of the records of Jonathan and Sarah’s home that we have today are scraps of well-used paper with sermon notes on one side and shopping lists for Jonathan’s trips into they city on the other. “Chocolate darling, and more paper...” that kind of thing.

Ann Voskamp has pointed out that those lists are sweet to look back on in years to come... don’t throw out every meal plan, every schedule, every project list. Some opportunities to look back on those little pieces of family life this year just might be counted as precious in days to come. So, it’s in that spirit that I record a bit of our family schedule in this season.

One day last spring, I indulged in a bit of an art project: this page (above) that I would scan and save and print up weekly to hang on the fridge.... weekly tasks, kids’ activities, meals, guests, classes. That morning I felt like it was a gift from God to find Psalm 16:5-6 to write over my days: “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. These lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.” I took one little liberty and changed “The” to “These” to refer to the lines dividing between and holding up each of my days. And now even those lines speak to me boldly: each day and all that falls into them, have been ordered by the sovereign God, my Father, who does all things well, who loves me and counts me as precious to him. That should settle my anxious soul, shouldn’t it!?

But pondering that “WORSHIP” over every hour, every day... I finally realized a very simple thing. Like the bulletins that our church passes out on Sunday mornings, an order of worship, why not hammer out a simple order of worship for our home to help me be mindful of what our moments, these hours of laughter, learning, sweat, service, tears and occasional quiet together actually are? Find an order for our every day worship service, our simple, ordinary lives together.

It makes sense even more to me now, what Ann wrote about somewhere in One Thousand Gifts, about liturgy being rooted in the idea of 'public work'. Yes- public work, my daily service to our family, our guests, our neighbors, the regular rhythm of our days, is just this: a service of worship to God.

Seeing it on the wall- “the time has come”- takes a lot of pressure off me. I don’t feel like I have to squeeze in time for these most needful, important, beautiful things.... this way I realize that the nonessentials will have to fill the space around these first order priorities. And I can see too that there is such joy and security in providing this kind of healthy regular rhythm for our kids.

There are so many advantages, but just these two are enough to make me delight in having such an order for our days: one, to free me up from having to make decisions throughout the day, to ease the weight of deciding when and how to make the most important things happen, and two, to help me keep my eyes on the truth that each day, this day, is a gift to me, a gift to give in return to the Giver.... a service of worship to Him.

Elements: Here I share too many details about the pieces of this plan for us... honestly, skip it all unless you're crazy interested...

We've been battling sickness and some killer night-time teething/screaming sessions so the 6 am hasn't happened all that regularly the past few days, but we definitely get off to a better start when it does! Morning exercise for me is usually just a stretch and some silly near-exercises to begin my reading and prayer time.... such a help to get my head and heart awake!

I'm so grateful to have examples and books to learn from about having set-hour prayer throughout the day. (Here's a post and a book that I've loved.) Another light I've seen this in lately is with the words of Come Thou Fount.... "bind my wandering soul to Thee." I've decided that the shorter the tether that binds me to the Lord, the better. To let time push me up against a stopping point often in the day, that helps me, reminds me to kneel in worship, receive even just a morsel of the Word, give all my cares to the Lord.... it's a very good thing for me. 6am, around 2pm, and 10pm are my times... and hopefully a still moment later in the morning too..... just so good...

Story Time... It's silly and even more so, sad, that for as much as I value reading to our kids, there would be days when it didn't happen at all. And that wasn't because there were other so-glorious things going on. It's honestly a helpful easy thing for me to be mindful of the time and not have to think any more about it... "it's story time folks!" And that means cuddling and talking together too.

Tea Time might just mean a piece of fruit and sip of water or it might mean we bust out the whole tea schabang. But when it happens (and so far, this is the piece that has been the most variable from day to day) it always means that I get to sit at the table, look at my kids, listen to them, love them with my words, my eyes, my time, and maybe something yummy.

A confession: I've realized recently that if I let things go, just flow as they may, then I could go a whole day, or even several days, without hearing any thoughts or dreams, fears or desires, from my kids hearts or stories from their lives. Without some carefulness, I can spend the whole day keeping things going, providing for their needs, intervening in their battles, and rescuing them from their sometimes foolish fearlessness. But I do not want to miss a single day of hearing their hearts!

Story time, tea time, and bed time are the best for this right now. Meal time would be sweet, but lets face it.... getting food in their bellies and the Word in their hearts, managing them not stabbing each other with forks, spilling everything, or falling out of our chairs again really does mean success at the table in this season. Our four are five and under... and Vivi is just beginning with her table needs too now!

And bed time... since we've already read in the afternoon (and maybe the morning too?) we often don't read at night. This works well because sometimes it feels like we have guests more often than not and we don't want bedtime to take 2 hours.... But we're trying to make this one piece more as non-negotiable as prayer: we talk with our kids at the close of our day. What are you grateful for today? Who did you have fun with today? Do you need to forgive someone today? Who can we pray for today? What did you learn about God today? Do you remember the verse we're learning this week?

I wrote that 10pm would be the end of the work day... Once the kids are in bed, 2 or 3 days a week, Matt and I have declared as time to be online after the kids are in bed and very often this "work time" is not so much work.... but sometimes work feels like it could fill all night until morning! (language studies, homeschool prep, laundry, emails... you all know what I'm talking about!). How very good and helpful it is for me to set an end time for work. Tomorrow will come and very few things are actually so urgent that they MUST be done today. Such peace in releasing... and I *LOVE* getting daily time to connect with my man... to hear from him too, read together maybe and pray before bed. All. Such. Good. Gifts.

Last, we don't have anything scheduled for Sundays. We know well in advance that that one day is for worship, rest and play together!

Of course next to all of this will be pitched out the window when we’re out of the house. But that's pretty infrequent for us here- we lead awfully local lives (as in, we stay in our apartment complex almost all week except for Sundays!). So for most of the time that we're home, this little liturgy for our days is becoming a blessing for each of us..... a rhythm of worship, a beautiful tune to live together. May it be Lord, for your glory!

One more bit to share: to learn from a much better source about helping our kids form habits of excellence, here is a great resource. Laying Down Rails (thanks JF!!) is an e-book available from Simply Charlotte Mason and there's an audio seminar. Sonya Shaffer makes the point (or maybe it was Charlotte's to being with?) that decision making is responsible for a huge portion of stress and a consumer of our time our time each day. To train our kids (and ourselves!) with habits that will help them automatically incorporate excellence in their lives will be such a blessing to them to help their days flow more smoothly and fruitfully.

little engineer

2011-09-26T09:42:00.003+08:00

When Isaiah was 15 months old we visited some dear friends. It was the first time they met our boy but Kim M. seemed to know him well after our 48 hour visit. She saw right away, "he sure watches closely to learn how things work. He's going to be a little engineer."

Here's the latest from our 5 1/2 year old engineer.

Sadly, this is the second make of this spaceship. The first one dropped and broke apart and now this one is a bit different.... even with these excellent instuctions to follow!

Liang Jun

2011-09-26T07:47:00.000+08:00

What fun we had with a dear friend we met in Orlando back in our dating days. We met Liang Jun while he was studying at UCF and now we got to host him back in his home country while he was doing some business research and job interviews here. We had so much fun with you Liang Jun! Special thanks for all the tech lessons you gave our kiddos...

Here's Marian and Liang Jun on a walk we got to take in the mountains outside of town...

And here are the biggies goofing it up for Photo Booth on Liang Jun's computer...

(I'm behind on posting all that I'd like to, b/c of a bit of illness and a lot of busyness. These photos are from a few weeks back when it was a fair bit warmer.)

in motion

2011-09-17T07:41:00.003+08:00

And God, please bless the print shop that printed 500 business cards with the wrong address....

our kids have hardly enjoyed a gift more than this!

(Kids, why don't you give me that "I just won 120 million quai qian" look, ok?)

missing Blythe

2011-09-14T14:39:00.004+08:00

My Aunt Blythe, social glue of our family, elegant-til-the-end matriarch of my Denver family (the extensions my mom's family) passed away this Sunday morning. Oh how much, how fiercely I hate death. Hate grief.

(I should have noted at the beginning of this video that, in my memory,

this was "Blythe's Song" for all the little people she loved....

she sang it to many more than just our Marian.)

We skyped with Blythe this past Sunday morning our time, Saturday evening for her. It was honestly super surprising that it happened b/c we're usually such a fiasco at our house around that time but this one Sunday (we hosted 20 people an hour after our call for worship and lunch) it miraculously worked. A treasured gift- clearly arranged and provided for by the Lord- that we could see her that evening.

In my last discussions and emails with my aunt, I shared with her again the message of the Bible: God's holiness, Christ's death and resurrection, his saving love for her. And now.... with a heart heavy with missing her, saddness, and sorrow for this distance, I continue in hope and prayer. I wish I was with my family there to grieve together, to cherish Blythe memories with you, to take care of you in your grief.... Much much love to you precious family of mine.

We will miss you dearly, Blythe.

Vivian Hope, nearly 6 mo, wearing the red jacket that Great Aunt Blythe bought for Marian

Well Done Victor Watters

2011-09-11T21:32:00.002+08:00

I'm thankful tonight for this post at the Desiring God site about Victor Watters, a 14 year old boy in the Bethlehem congregation who went to be with the Lord this past week after a 5 year long battle with cancer.

The Lord's beauty is deep in this whole story... Victor's life, his months in the hospital- a 9 year old boy battling cancer with no family supporting him, his adoption into the Watters family, his coming to faith in Christ, and now his unhindered, eternal joy with Christ.

We praise the Lord for you dear Victor! We rejoice to read of your life so well-poured out for the praise of our King!

quiet in the city

2011-09-05T12:03:00.004+08:00

City living is hard for me. I crave quiet. I crave wide open. I crave clean. It's not all I need, but oh just sometimes... I know I'll have all of it worlds more perfect than I can even dream when the Lord turns this old world inside out. Until then, we're learning to seize every rainy moment as the best time to try to find that here, now. Because most of the time, these Chinese city-dwellers are pretty uninterested in playing outdoors in the rain or any near rainy day.

When we were in the mountains this summer, we relished the quietness of the hours.... daylight songs faintly heard in the grass, the animals, the water, friends' talk and laughter. And night time with its masterful quietness.

We gasped, the last morning we were there, to see tourists who drove out to our spot with a boom box! How painful to listen to their blaring pop music smothering this symphony! But to most Chinese, I think quietness is not a beautiful song or maybe just not a known one. (Remember how some songs grow in your heart as they become more familiar to you?)

Last week we rode our big bike out at dusk to find the two coolest tire swings in this part of the city. No one else there in that tucked away corner of apartments. Our kids thrill over them. And then play happy with a few neighbor kids coming home. And when we head home, we pass by a plain corner with benches and the standard exercisers- no real attraction- but the place was packed.... at least fifty people all gathered, enjoying the evening together. Chit chat and lots of laughter, babies and gray heads, noise and news radio... Maybe that's one reason why Americans can come off as So Rude to foreigners sometimes... we like our space, our privacy, so we give them theirs.... even when they don't want it.

But generally Chinese don't crave quiet as much. They don't need "their space". I think to many local friends, the best way they can think to show their interest in our kids when we walk by is to basically set off verbal firecrackers (the Chinese do love their firecrackers) and call out and gesture wildly "Oh how cute, they're little dolls, they can't speak Chinese, but they're so cute, white skin, yellow hair, blue eyes, and twins.... " (they can't fathom 4 single births so close together so everyday we have to explain that we actually don't have twins.) The volume then increases again when they learn that we can speak Chinese...

I'll be honest, it's hard for me. (Not a new story on this blog, right?) A lot of times I just really want quiet and I want to be outdoors... It doesn't seem like it should be an impossible combination. In America, it's doable. But in this city, and much of this country, being outdoors is like sending an invitation to everyone who sees you, that you want to talk, to visit, to find out about them and share answers to every one of their two dozen questions.

And really... it's ok, isn't it? Not. A. Big. Deal.

Haven't I come to Love? And Love can do this...

It's embarrassingly basic. I wish I didn't need to pray this, wish there was already love gushing out of me... but nope. I need love beyond my own, from beyond msyelf. That's for sure.

Lord Jesus, please put it in my heart to love the sounds of many people. Fill me with your love for them! Give me your love for my neighbors all made in your image (may I see your astounding beauty in them!) all ones you delight in and gladly serve (help me take up the basin and the towel too) and died for... (help me die, and live boldly new in you!)

her collection of pine cones and rocks, souvenirs from our walk

Now off to my spot in the living room for a bit of quiet prayer before I set out once again...

kiddos

2011-09-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

We so enjoyed visiting with these dear friends from our old stomping grounds! Thanks for letting us get time with you dear S's! Your kiddos are entirely adored by ours....

as are the two of you, Pete and Mel.

And here a few more shots of kind of recent things... well actually all these photos are a few weeks old now, but close enough, eh?

( He's showing you his muscles. For John, the most important thing about "Show me your muscles" is the tremblingness of the flex... can you see him shaky-trembling here?)

Thanks for the Charlie Brown shirt Uncle Chris!

the big four

2011-08-31T07:13:00.013+08:00

Our beautiful Marian turned four years old last week. She helped me make muffins to bring to school on the real day (the second day back to school) and we brought a cake to our friends house where they were celebrating their Grandma's birthday too. I wish so much she could celebrate her big day with my mom who is in heaven.... so special they share this day.

Saturday morning was the birthday breakfast: Daddy made scrumdiliyumtious oatmeal pancakes which we topped with Dream Whip (thanks for the packets Grandma and Grandpa!) and The Unknown Fruit syrup (a friend gave us lots of that delicious, crazy-looking berry this summer.) There were other bits and pieces that we all enjoyed along with our dear and super cute friends Ella and Addy and Cherry. (Really bummed I didn't get more pictures of them!) After breakfast, Marian got her gift from us, a dollhouse with a little bunny family to live in it, and then we took off to play in the park together.

A precious friend of mine said ages ago that when her boys turned four, she could hear the angels sing. We started hearing faint echos of that chorus a few weeks ago. Somehow, something in her is coming alive... a sweeter concern for others, attention to what's expected of her, generosity and helpfulness. She is really growing up and I just told Matt that I should remember that all the hard work of discipline through the 2s and 3s really does begin to pay off and I'm encouraged we can see the beginning of some reward for the discipline we've had to give even already. I said that last night and then we had a 75 minute fit to deal with this morning. So this growth and discipline and love and service of parenthood is a journey and we have not arrived anywhere yet.... but I am glad I think we're at least moving in the right direction. (May our whole lives move towards more of you Jesus! Oh, help me to teach her, humbly serve her, better than I do!!)

I'm sure in no time Marian will be turning 14 and when we scroll back to look at this I know we'll giggle together over what a firecracker she was and we'll delight in the beauty she was and will be. May your faith in Christ flourish, Marian, and may he cause you to be confident in him, diligent to pursue him, zealous for His glory and radiant with his character of love and his beauty.

We Delight in You Marian Darling!

Thank You

2011-08-30T11:59:00.002+08:00

Five years ago we moved to China. We landed on Sept 1.

We left a few weeks earlier from North Dakota, stopping to see a few more dear friends on the way west. But it's pictures and scents of that scene, that good-bye in North Dakota, that surge emotion like a flood and send my heart throbbing up into my throat.

I remember all to clearly standing around that dinky Minot airport, all the luggage just checked on, waiting for when we would have to proceed through security. I remember Mary deciding that the waiting was too much pain: you stood up, gave Isaiah one last hug, gave him back to us and left with very few words and very many tears. And those tears were precious to us then and we shared them with you. Those tears are still precious to us and are still met with more tears here so often as we think of you so far away these five years later.

Thank you Mom and Dad K for your incredible support sending us half the world away, with your only grandchild at the time. Thank you for sending us with your blessing.

Isaiah was the first grandchild and the first great-grand on both sides of our ND family. I have more delicious pictures of him with family than I could possibly post, but here are just a few...

four generations of K men

can you see that he was just a little bit doted on?

I've thought lots about this recently because Vivi is exactly the same age now as Isaiah was when we left and when we landed. They were born 2 days apart in mid March. Thank you guys once again, now actually four times over, for giving us your blessing to be here. Your support and encouragement, and sacrificial cheer for us to come and live and work here, is of unspeakable value to us, a true blessing on our work, and we know it is a gift to the Lord too.

And... just a quickie... a little proof that Vivi really does resemble Isaiah as a baby. I know the pictures of him are harder to see very clearly and it's hard to see similarities in them now, but I think Vivi most resembles this guy of her three elder siblings. (I might have to look for more- better pics to compare soon...)

Here she is a few days ago with her little big brother John. And yep, that's her first fountain-do up on top. They both have eyes that seem, at this point, a little too big for their faces... (see the little creases below?)

the big three

2011-08-30T02:34:00.008+08:00

Preschool is back in swing and our big three are in on the fun! John is about 92% on target with potty training now (we started early Aug) and his big incentive for reaching that goal was that he could go to school with Isaiah and Marian. He took off for the slide the moment the teacher opened the door at school, and this mama's boy, and- honest- really he is one, never shed a single Good-bye-I-love-you-mama tear.

We've gotten not a few inquisitive looks for why we have our 26 month old in preschool. I know it seems just crazy to lots of folks- both foreigners and local Chinese. But we are so grateful to have this small private preschool, close to our home, that flexs with us to allow our kids to attend mornings only. As we see it, this is our kids' best shot at becoming solidly bilingual and that will be a huge help to them in all their childhood here and hopefully beyond. (We can see this so clearly already in our big guy who translates oddball words for us occasionally!)

The best thing about this sweet school is that it's run by local believers that we pray for and really believe are attending to our kids' growth and learning well. We're so thrilled that our kids are not only learning to play in Chinese but they are together to learn to pray and sing and make friends all in Chinese. What a blessing for them!

And this is my last year to invest in studying a minority language here before I get to be more busy with homeschool so it is a gift for me to know that our big three are together, in such a great environment, for this time.

(Getting a decent shot of these three is hard... when will I ever get a framer of the four of them?!)

(Revision- Today has been a low point. Maybe John is around 50% today! What's this latest development of his constantly leaky front valve?! We thought he was the Potty Training Miracle Child- He had 4 completely perfect days after about 30 hours of training... but then his record has gone downhill since. Oh this time to serve my boy, to love him, wait, hold him, serve him. Help me Jesus!)

Come By Here

2011-08-26T10:21:00.006+08:00

Listening to this song, the second track from the almost released album Third World Symphony, by Shaun Groves. And the third song.... oh, Let Your Kingdom Come! Ok, the whole album is simply stellar.

"Come by Here" is quite the theme of this season now.... maybe a theme-prayer-song for life? Yes, it must be.

One of the greatest privileges of my life (among many whose names are on this blog with me) is to sing this song here... to pray this. Here.

And surely The High Privilege of my life is to trust and know and believe the promises of God.... that he hears these prayers, sees these tears, is able to save, and that

He
Will
Come.

(The best line of the song...)
Come, we have nothing else God, and having you we want for nothing.

Come! Come and meet us here. Come and touch our tears, that we may weep no more.
Come and meet our pain. Come and lift our lame, that we may limp no more. Come that we may want no more.

good thing the drain's clogged

2011-08-22T22:04:00.002+08:00

first corn harvested... a taste of Buffalo (N Dakota)

four eager tasters who just would not wait...

oh my.... I gasped and covered my face with my hand when I saw this little doggy lick ...

Chinese friends all love that he's got two swirls up there...
it does *not* go unnoticed, untouched, uncommented on...

and... good thing for me that it was just chilly enough that I be warmth for him

may he learn to love good work

may he still return for cuddles

and for tomorrows clogged drains, may I take joy too

visiting ayis

2011-08-20T09:36:00.005+08:00

At the beginning of this month, when the guys (in the post below) were still with us, we travelled out of town (an hour by public bus) to see the two ladies that help us in our home. ZF and XL, the "ayis" that work in our home ("ayi" means "auntie"), are sisters-in-law and are such a blessing in our home. I'm so grateful for these ladies! And so grateful to get to be with them, in their homes, this day... thank you Lord. Part of our visit was spent snapping family portraits for these dear friends. All these photos are from the skillful Jake.

{ZF's family, above} She's in the middle, her husband in the back with the red shirt, their sons in the back green and very front, and the two sweet boys kind-of hiding in the middle are the their two foster sons that are severely handicapped and even more severely loved. ZF comes two mornings a week to watch John and give him Chinese language practice. (Starting this fall she'll watch Vivi). She has the sweetest spirt and is a joy to have in our home.

Their small town was so pleasant! And I was glad to see that their homes were nicer than I had feared they might be... spacious rooms with lovely courtyards though I know that it's tough in winter time when their insulation is completely inadequate and the only heat is from coal when the temps reach their bitterest lows. And, there was no bathroom in either ayi's home... there are public bathrooms on the street but they aren't pretty.

{XL's family} Our fantastic helper that comes two afternoons a week is on the back row, right, her husband and son nearest her and their daughter on the far left. XL comes two afternoons a week and she's mainly my hospitality help.... often fixing cafeteria size portions of delicious Chinese food for us and for guests with us. Matt and I have nicknamed her "The Whiz" for how she zips around the kitchen and our whole home leaving everything much tidier and this mama much relieved when she goes. Such tremendous gifts these two ladies are!

two guy gifts

2011-08-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

No, I'm not writing about dumb stuff to buy for guys, but instead about two guys that were pure gift to our family this summer.

TJ and Jake spent several weeks this summer serving with their photography skills to help Matt's company SRE build a web site well worth looking at and they served in every little way that came available for them... including loving on our kids. We didn't realize till not long before it started, that our kids would be out of preschool for a one month summer vacation and we didn't have much fun planned. Having these guys with us made for a solidly smiling week. All gift for these K Kids...

We praise the Lord for you Jake and you TJ and we are praying that He will work mightily in and through you... and bring you back here too! Thank you for coming and blessing us so!

awed

2011-08-16T15:35:00.006+08:00

I wanted to find out a bit about Francis Chan and this was the first video that came up for him on You Tube- grateful me- and now I can't get it out of my head. Oh to see this....

I watched this with our kids on Sunday afternoon after Tim Keller taught in our living room that morning and one quote from him has been ringing in me since: "we are infinitely lost, infinitely loved." And now, add to that, that we are microscopically microscopic. Seeing the size of all this makes me wonder if God was simply showing us how much larger, greater he is than us?

I've been tempted to respond to this "well then, I'm too small to matter" but No. Scripture does not allow that view. Itsy-bitsy for sure, and immeasureably sinfully dirty and still infinitely, intensely loved. Oh what a God.... the One who made all this, the One who loves like this, who calls himself Father to all who trust in Him. Praise, praise, praise be!

And one last thought, from another you tube clip called "John Piper- God's glory in his creation", (paraphrased): "When we look at this, we can see clearly: "This was MADE!" (And great is the Maker!)

splash

2011-08-11T07:05:00.001+08:00

Hannah Coulter

2011-08-10T22:02:00.001+08:00

I've never read anything from Wendell Berry but have heard so much about him from many who love his words so I'm so grateful to find Christian Audio's free download for this month is his novel Hannah Coulter. Justin Taylor's post that first tipped me off to this freebie shares good encouragment for sillies like me who are sometime wound up a bit too tight for a good novel. I'm excited to get past my biographies-and-theology preference and my plain old task-o-craziness and enjoy this one...

(Thanks to Christian Audio for the treat!)

sweetheart

2011-08-10T20:25:00.003+08:00

Vivian Hope 4.25 months

space (couch) rocket

2011-08-08T13:19:00.003+08:00

Isaiah constructed this spacecraft using every pillow in the house. I can't describe the loyalty it inspired in their hearts.... They all played together well, maintaing the structure of the side panels (pillows) throughout the long flight and sharing the driving responsibilities. At one point, Isaiah took off down the hall for the bathroom and I was surprised how quickly he was back. Apparently, space poops are fast and that's sure a good thing. This captain's responsibilities were just too great; he couldn't abandon his ship for long!

And, lucky me, I even got a few fun shots with the famed space explorers!

sisters

2011-08-07T00:04:00.002+08:00

May (nearly 4) and Vivi (4 months) on the quilt that my mama made before their daddy

was even on my horizon. So, so grateful for all this...

radical words

2011-08-05T15:15:00.003+08:00

I just finished reading Radical, by David Platt. And I know that sometimes I get pretty fanatical about a good read and I'm sure I've written "please read this" a bit too much but, oh dear friends, this book!

I hope most deeply, urgently that every single Christian will read this book. Maybe too, things that I write about here seem a bit too extreme, maybe just over the top? Not for you? Please don't hold my own extreme-o-ness against this book. Please Read It. I think that no Christian in America today can afford to live (or die?) without considering this message.

There are too many quotes to share here, too much about it that I love and was needfully challenged by that I just can't sum it all up. Instead I tried to give myself an artistic outlet for this message and I laid it out in a 6th grade-quality collage of words to confront me... I'd share it but, like I said, it's really not worth it..... oh but the words, this message is!

I would love to hear from you. Please let me know your thoughts about it if you can.

The Gospel

2011-08-04T10:06:00.000+08:00

"The Gospel is not a message that 'we are not guilty for what we've done.' The Gospel is a message that 'there is a Guilt Remover'."

"The freeing thing is to say, in the face of God, "Yes, I'm guilty of that" and have God answer back, "I have made a provision.""

from the sermon, He Made Purification of Sins, from Hebrews 1, by John Piper

Ephesians 2

2011-08-03T11:06:00.006+08:00

We've been super blessed to have two cool photographer, expert kid-play, fun guys visiting us for the past week (more about our fun times with them soon). What a blessing that Jake was able to capture this sweet moment at the table Monday night.

Oh may the True and Living Word be written deep in their hearts...

The Lord's Prayer

2011-08-03T01:38:00.002+08:00

And since I have that clip of John to post (above), I dug up a video from last summer of Marian praying the Lord's Prayer. She was nearing 3 years old at the time and she's Grown.So.Much since then! The video is super dark (it was bedtime) but the audio is pretty clear til the end.

Ahh... and East Africa still lays over my whole heart. May your kingdom come quickly there Lord Jesus! Send Relief, send rescue in your name!

It Must Not Be

2011-07-31T23:44:00.005+08:00

I'm in agony over these faces, this horror holding over 12 million people. I'm shaking my head that in the few hours I've spent online this week, I didn't check far enough into world events to see this...

photo taken from The Atlantic article

The worst drought in 60 years, striking across the Horn of Africa, bringing malnourishment, starvation, death to thousands.

This devastation should not be.... and it will not go without this family turning themselves inside out- everything we can think of- to give all that we can.

Whatever it takes Lord! Lead us with wisdom to give to groups that will use gifts wisely, to your glory. Help us to cut back every penny we can to GIVE! our all for their sakes.

For the story in pictures, one of which is above: This article from The Atlantic (HT: Ann Voskamp)

For ways to help the "nearly half a million children... at risk of dying of malnutrition and disease" and the 12 million people bound in this horror: This CNN post.

Two more Christian groups serving here: Kidmia- see the post below, and the Mennonite Central Committee that has developed food-for-work projects in Ethiopia.

Now... off to pray for Somalia, Ethiopia, the Horn of Africa, these children, these mamas, for rain and wisdom and integrity for leaders to come and help and humbly serve...

Kidmia

2011-07-30T23:01:00.003+08:00

Just found this org that I think looks like an absolute winner. Really... far better than candy.

This makes my heart for Jesus and my head for public health SING.

Kidmia works with Ethiopian churches and pastors, providing training to understand a Biblical view of orphans and adoption and they also provide housing, food, education and discipleship for these kids and so much more. I am really impressed with the little I know.... can't wait to learn more and start getting involved!

motherhood

2011-07-30T14:55:00.005+08:00

To my most treasured mama friends~

I hope you'll get a chance to read this excellent post from Rachel Jankovic. Ahh.... the glory, the gritty, hard-work, the brilliant GLORY of motherhood. Motherhood is a calling (and where your children rank)

What. A. Gift.

I'd love to hear your thoughts... Please email me if you have time! It would be like a round-the-globe book club.... I would be so blessed!

And this one post fantastic too.... heading off to read it now: Motherhood as a Mission Field

I just bookmarked Femina, Rachel's blog, along with her MIL and SILs (Mrs. Douglas Wilson et al). Positive I'll be returning there to check for more of her writing.

Update... (I know I'm sounding pretty fanatical here and I'm ok with that...) I also just read the first chapter of Rachel's book and I'll be ordering that next- a MUST. I'm hoping to finagle a way to get it in the next box heading to China!

Here's the quote from that chapter that is going up in the kitchen:
"It is no abstract thing, the state of your heart is the state of your home."

Matt's Solo Adventure

2011-07-23T11:14:00.002+08:00

We missed him terribly last week, but even more, we are glad that Daddy could get away, go so far...to this great place, researching possibilites for Silk Road Ecotours,
and connect with close friends there.

Here are just a few of his best shots. You can check the SRE site for many more photos and

stories to be posted in the next several weeks.

picture above and below by Landon D.

living room in an upper class home

the local doctor

a poor Jewish peasant & a prepositional phrase

2011-07-23T08:50:00.000+08:00

"An evangelical believes that God humbled himself not only in the incarnation of the Son, but also in the inspiration of the Scriptures. The manger and the cross were not sensational. Neither are grammar and syntax. But that is how God chose to reveal himself. A poor Jewish peasant and a prepositional phrase have this in common; they are both human and both ordinary. That the poor peasant was God and prepositional phrase is the Word of God does not change this fact. Therefore, if God humbled himself to take on human flesh and to speak human language, woe to us if we arrogantly presume to ignore the humanity of Christ and the grammar of Scripture."

quoted from John Piper's writing on Biblical Exegesis, @ http://www.biblearc.com/web/learn/

four months

2011-07-21T11:36:00.012+08:00

Our littlest sweetheart is 4 months old... time is flying and I’m trying to savor all of these precious floppy-sprawl cuddles (when she doesn’t mind however I position her laying in my arms or across my chest.) All the fussing that filled the pre-bedtime hours until she was about 2.5 months old have faded and she's become the easiest baby we've ever had for bedtimes now. She enjoys her quiet time on a blanket, rolling on the floor and most of the time she just falls asleep in the middle of her quiet thumb-sucking, taking in the world, gentleness- without a peep. Words cannot tell how much we love her...

And.. Daddy's HOME! No crew could be more glad! We praise the Lord for you Matthew. The Lord's grace was very evident to us while you were away but we missed you sorely still! (Matt got some fantastic shots of his journey... I'll try to post some soon.)

She’s laughing gloriously these days, though not just any time... the tickle has to hit her just right. And she does have a sweet sense of humor for a funny face or a kissy sound. She’s almost always an easy smile for her big sis and brothers who love to clap her hands and pet her sweet hair.

Oh this squishy delicious chub....
Here's a glimpse of the "screw-on hands" for you Great Grandma Marian :)

Our precious, tender, beautiful "little lady" Vivi

If you are not the very verbal type......

2011-07-19T10:04:00.013+08:00

... You might do far better in China than I do.

I think, though I'm not completely sure, that China tends to be a pretty verbal culture. (Possibly this is just because words weigh more in my brain when they're in my second language?) But folks definitely do like to talk a lot. Neighbors have to state the obvious just to be neighborly, kind. For example, I'm loaded down like a donkey but sadleless, carrying 30 pounds of groceries for our family (side note, no body does this here but me. Everyone else buys a meal or two of groceries at a time. Grocery shopping is part of daily socializing for friends here who all only have one kid and probably two or more family members ready to watch that one sparkling child.)

Anyways, I walk into our apartment complex and the guy at the gate has to say to me "Oh you bought stuff." The neighbor lady walking past me tells me "You bought a lot." The grandma on the elevator notices "You're back. You bought stuff."

Yep. Now this is the *perfect* time for me to smile and nod... Matt's constant advice for me... but too often I feel like I owe people some sort of conversation and usually my amount of groceries purchased just doesn't rank as a desired topic. A dumb struggle.

And for my too-verbal self, I usually feel like I owe people a greeting or a comment if anyone looks at me twice. But let me tell you, there are some scenes in our days where we are swarmed with onlookers. Just smile and nod... really, Jill!

It gets tougher, though, when we add parenting stress spots to the mix.

This morning John threw a Two Year Old Classic in an otherwise blissful scene of play in the sandbox with his big bro and sis. Baby sister is crying inside for mama.

I invite him "would you like to come in with mama or stay here and play?"

"NO!!"

"Buddy, that's not going to get you anywhere. Would you like to come or like to stay?"

Repeat. Apparently there's no option for us here.

I'm trying hard to deal firm and fair with this angel-haired ridiculousness, but it does need to be quick. The baby needs me.

And then the sweet new neighbor, whose patio borders ours, chimes in. She wants to know all that's going on. Not only is she verbal, but she doesn't understand all the words my son and I have just exchanged. And she needs the whole scene translated for her.

And John is full swing into his fit now, and Vivi really needs a nursing, and John will be disciplined for not only screaming and telling mama "No," but now he's throwing sand all over to top it off.

It's just not the time for translation. (Do I really need to point that out?) I usually feel super rude about trying to explain,"sorry, not now... ahh, is that ok?" Smile and nod.... but sometimes it doesn't seem to work!?

Maybe this is just one of those tiny rough patches to humble me along the way. I do need humbling so... Breath deep, smile, bring John inside with me, and wave to the neighbor. Breath deep again. Pray. God's grace abounds for the humble, so take this humbling as a great, and very needed gift. Love the boy. Love the girl. Then write a blog post to process without speaking words, how difficult words can be sometimes! Amen.

we were there

2011-07-16T23:01:00.002+08:00

Our family got to spend 4 days in these mountains along with several friends and it was delicious medicine for our citified souls. Such Grace! Green grass, wide open, happy blue skies, fresh air... no bother at all that it smelled like all the animals that belonged to the nomads with whom we stayed. And we found it the perfect way to go, to travel with this small pack of friends, such kind, fun, loving helpers for us and our kids! Our kiddos were downright spoiled...

The yurts we stayed in were only about two hours away from the capital city and the area was a popular tourist destination. We were deeply grateful to find a way past all the crowds, to be led to this small group of families who live here in this tiny valley for seven months at a stretch and host only a few visitors at a time, just us for these days. Their livelihood depends on tourism income and our joy was magnified greatly in our time with them... so sweet for both of us! Great times playing with the kids, praying for these friends and sharing meals and talks and walks. Mostly, this was R & R time for us and we certainly were refreshed. So, so grateful.

Here we've studied the majority language in this country for 3 ish years and have been working on studying a minority language for 1+ year now... and then these dear Kazaks that hosted us, they speak a language all their own! We could come close to communicating with them using the minority language we're studying (they're pretty close) but most of our communication with them was through our minority friends that travelled with us or through the eldest girl (white jacket in the pics) of our new nomad friends who spoke the majority language that we feel fairly comfortable with.

Our dear language tutor-friend who travelled with us to help out with our kiddos was a joy to have along. In the pic above she's looking at photos on her camera with that sweet "older sister" who we all loved. Joy (in the green pants) left her Book, in this language, with Norchan (white jacket.)

Norchan also told Joy how she collects 10Y (not quite $1.50 US) from every tourist car that parks near their valley. She saves up all her earnings from all summer long and she pays for her own elementary school fees with this. Leftover she normally has 2Y per month. That's about 35 US pennies. Earning her wages is extremely important to her, since that's her only ticket to school.

TWO YUAN leftover.

I wish I could somehow convery how precious, admirable, delightful this girl is... She's got this book now and we pray that it will be powerful in her life, ring truth and love in her ears, her heart, her family!

Joy was pretty wiped out for the hiking that we did (as were the kids!). I asked her before if she had ever been to the mountains and she said yes. But after we arrived she told us she had never been on dirt paths... always, only sidewalks. (That's the norm in China.) We spelled out clearly for her that she had only ever been to parks than... This is The Mountains! :)

Oh these kids... such sweet, spunky, fun kids!! These two are 4 year old twins.

The guys that travelled with us were working in various roles to help Matt with start-up research for Silk Road Ecotours... which we are super excited to see finally getting off the ground!

This little guy, Birick, is six days older than Vivi (who is worlds cuter than this picture lets on...)

Above is Birick's bed that he would be strapped down to most hours of the day and night. There's a little trap door for bathroom business and he's kept totally warm inside, wrapped up like it's his own little cocoon. Also, no possibility of him rolling into the stove in the yurt so long as he's strapped down in his little spot. I can see how the system works for them... Vivi was sadly often either too hot or too cold for our nights there!

Our last day there, all these friends (a few different families represented) attended a wedding in town. Here they are getting all dressed up. Their gift for the bride and groom was a large container of fresh milk.

oh may these friends know the True Lamb!

As is customary, we got to witness these friends slaughtering a lamb for a meal (not a baby like this cutie.) I could not stomach it (stayed in the yurt) but I'm trusting-hoping hard that my kids will be only stronger for their viewing...

I've written far too little, far too lacking... nothing that adequately communicates our joy in meeting these friends and enjoying their valley with them for these short days. There are More aspects than can be shared here. It was all sweeter than can be put in words... we are exceedingly grateful.